closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
