my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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