i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
