I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
