I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
