He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
