But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There's always time for handjobs
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
