how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
