My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
