We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it glows. i had to have it.
a search helicopter?!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
