goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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