p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
