just come out here and I will go home with you...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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