i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
