I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize