just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
