I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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