He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
