and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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