You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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