I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Success! We fucked roommates!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
