the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
