Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
