You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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