I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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