Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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