i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
