Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
