Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
