We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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