I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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