so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
