she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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