I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
