it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
