Can i not drive my cunt home
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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