you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
