No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My dad just said "fuck circus"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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