stop calling my apartment porn island.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
