Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude i'm inner monologue high
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
