how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
we should paint friendship bongs
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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