dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
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the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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