are you so shy because you have an std?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
