Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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