would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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