You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
