so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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