Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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