my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
