LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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