it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
