she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
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I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
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Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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