fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
