I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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