just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
