I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
