Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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