Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
