She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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