I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
