peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
