Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize