dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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